Expressions I Hate
I was writing something about a man who just doesn’t get it—in other words, men—when I used an expression I detest. That word is “hubby.”
Where did that expression come from? Well, looking it up, which is something I, as an educated person, will do, I realized it’s old old word and was probably annoying back in the 1600’s also. When I first heard it very early in my short/long life, it came from Arthur Godfrey’s radio show. That man has a lot to answer for, including firing Julius La Rosa. Perhaps some of you will recall Godfrey singing, “I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s too fat for me.” Body shaming, something I felt as a young, pudgy little girl. Although I will admit the tune was catchy.
But back to “hubby” and it’s very ughness. There’s a word for “hubby.” It’s called “husband.” Both of them have two syllables. So let’s dignify our language by using it correctly. Contractions have their place. But “hubby” is like fingernails on a chalkboard. I feel I do not overstate.
Speaking about contractions, what’s the deal with “X-mas?” Not that I’m a believer but let’s for god’s sake put the Christ back in “Christmas.” Hark back to olden days when the X was a symbol for the Greek “chi” meaning Christ. But if you ask people who write “X-mas” now, why they do it, do you think they’d come up with a classical response? No, they use it because they’re too lazy to write Christmas. Wait a second. You question my use of the word “write.” Like does anybody write anymore? Okay, type, text, visualize it in your mind. I don’t care. Just please write out “Christmas” because it makes you look like an ignoramus when you use “X-mass.” I’m trying to help here.
“Les Mis.” “Have you seen ‘Les Mis?’” “‘Les Mis’ is so wonderful!’” When I heard this the first time, I had to wonder what the f—k the person was talking about. Was that a new type of orgasm?
No, “Les Mis” happens to be a shorten version of “Les Miserable.” What would Victor Hugo say if someone came up to him and gushed, “I loved your ‘Les Mis!’” Well, we’ll never know, will we, because he’s dead.
How much effort does it take to say, “Les Miserable?” None. Does saying “Les Mis” make you feel in with the in crowd? Or do you just not know the real source of “Les Mis?” Or, here’s another thought. Maybe you’ve read the novel and found it dragging in spots, so you abridged it, the same way you abridged the title. Here I’m giving you some credit. Take it while you can. But what about “The Three Musketeers?” Do you ever say, “Have you seen ‘Les Trois?’” Something to consider.
I have to stop for a minute and breathe deeply. I’m having vapors.
Okay, I’m back at it. “Happy wife; happy life.” Can any expression be more demeaning to women? Oh, yeah, true there are a lot more that put us down. But this is like saying let’s keep the little woman happy so she’ll shut up and leave us alone.
Leave you alone to do what? Not the dishes, not the laundry, not taking care of the children and driving them to all their activities. You know what makes women happy? A man who shares, a man who cares—and of course a good lay, if not that at least a good vibrator. So don’t put us down with this “happy wife, happy life” crap.
What about “Catch you later?” Did someone throw me? Is there time travel involved? Am I that unaware that I didn’t notice defying gravity to land on a scrapheap, where someone had no intention of catching me later? This is something akin to meeting a casual acquaintance who’ll say, “Let’s have dinner sometime.” Meaning never. (I should perhaps note that no one has actually said this to me for at least twenty years. I would hate to think it’s my personality.)
Okay, I’m stopping. I’ve shared my aggrievements. Make of them what you will. And if you see me on the street, please don’t ask me about my hubby or how was X-mas. Catching up later? Forget it.