The Master Planner

Riley wondered if she was going to lose the deposit she and Mike put down at the George Washington hotel in Washington, Pennsylvania, a painful occurrence, since their meeting with the hotel’s events planner had gone so well. Next up would have been the tasting menu.  That was before she had been introduced to the totality of Mike’s family at Veronica Beth’s confirmation.

Not that any extra attention was focused on her.  The Aherns were many, varied and loud, with the brothers and sisters exchanging quips and the spouses catching up on their kids’ latest accomplishments.  The celebratory lunch was held in the back yard of Mike’s parents, which had been set up with tables covered in paper tablecloths.  There was wine and beer and soda; and everyone brought a dish to share.  Mike’s and her contribution was a Caprese salad, which couldn’t measure up to the potato salad and the tuna and noodles, but, hey, they did their share.

At least Riley knew some of the Aherns, especially Mary, Thomas and their children, along with others she had met when she went barhopping with Mike.  But this was a first with the parents.  She had said a quick hello in the kitchen to Mike’s mother.  Probably the wrong time to do so as the woman was busy directing traffic.  Mike’s father was with his sons and waved a greeting.  It was only when they were giving toasts that Mike rose and first saluted Veronica Beth, who by that time was wearing ear pods, and then announced that he had brought along his fiancee Riley Franklin.

Let the celebration begin until Mike’s mother asked for the date so she could get in touch with Father Matt and reserve the church and the hall.

Then Mike said, “We’re having the wedding at the George Washington Hotel, in the town of Washington.  Don’t worry.  We’ll hired a bus to collect everyone.”

“I don’t know if Father Matt will like that,” his mother warned.

“Well, of course, we’ll invite him, but he won’t be officiating,” Mike replied mildly.  “Riley’s not Catholic.”

“She will be if she marries into the Aherns,” one brother piped up to say, and everyone laughed.  Except Riley.  Mike simply smiled and sat down.  Then they were sort of forgotten, as the celebration and the drinking continued.  Hurdle one jumped.

Except starting the very next day, Mike began getting phone calls with, “Mom says—“

It seems that Mike wasn’t the only one who didn’t marry a Catholic, but every other potential spouse agreed to a church wedding to keep the Aherns happy.  At least this is what Mike relayed to Riley.

Well, that got her dander up, if she had any dander.  “I have no intention of keeping everyone happy, Mike.  My intention is for you and me to be happy.  Aren’t weddings supposed to be happy occasions?”  Then she remembered Eden’s solution, but she wasn’t there.  Yet.  Family meant a lot to Mike.  His siblings, his cousins, nieces, nephews.  But she was not about to meet with a priest and promise to raise her children as Catholics only to go back on it later.

So, okay.  Maybe she wasn’t going to get married to Mike after all.  Lunches with Mary didn’t help the situation.  “Now Ma says everyone should RSVP acceptance and then not show up,” Mary said dishearteningly.

Riley was shocked. “But no one would do that, would they?”

Mary sat there stoically for a moment before she shrugged.  “I’ll show up. And so will Thomas.  But then you did say something about a kid-free wedding?  The Aherns have nothing but kids.”

Riley dropped her head into her hands.  This wasn’t going well.  Maybe it was time to cut her losses.  She had foreknowledge that the Ahern family situation would be overwhelming, but she had no idea how bad it might turn out to be.  No kids?  What was the problem?  There were enough teenagers in the family to babysit the younger ones.  Did any of them have any idea of the catering costs, not to mention the open bar?  Did marriage equal bankruptcy?  She wasn’t going to be that foolish.  After all, she saw a house in their future, with a monthly mortgage.

Mike didn’t really seem to want to deal with the situation, despite claiming previously that he was a master planner.  As far as her mentioning the cost, he informed her that’s why all previous weddings were held in the church hall.

“Okay, that’s it,” she said abruptly, getting up from the bed they were sharing.  “I wanted an elegant wedding.  Happy but sedate.”

“Oh, come on, Riley.  You’ve met the family.  You know that’s not going to happen.  There’s nothing sedate about us.”

“‘Us?’  You’re sedate.  You’re so quiet sometimes I don’t realize you’re in the room with me.  Are you in the room with me?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, are we going to build a life together or am I going to be your plus one in never-ending Ahern gatherings?  Because, if you’re putting your family, all ten thousand of them, ahead of me, then lets forget this whole thing.”  She took off her engagement ring, placed it on the dresser, and would have left the apartment; but they were at her place, so all she did was go to the second bedroom and shut the door—then lock it.

She expected to hear Mike get up and leave.  But—  She heard nothing for the longest while until—she heard that bastard snoring!  In her bed!  In her apartment!  Where she had just broken up with him!  And all her clothes and her makeup and everything was in that bedroom.  She hated him.  And she couldn’t sleep.  Well, okay, she slept fitfully; her watch woke her for work.

Attuned as she was to sounds in her own apartment, she heard the shower running and then his steps on the stairs.  Now, he would leave and she would be sorrowfully at peace.

Except the smell of coffee and toast rose from the kitchen.  Would he not be a gentleman and simply leave?

Looking at the time, she knew she had no choice.  She must shower and dress, put on makeup because one thing she didn’t need was to lose her job.

Coming downstairs she hoped he would have the decency to leave.  Now.  But he was in the kitchen, greeted her with a smile, as if nothing had happened.  Then he took her hand and placed the diamond back onto it.  “I told you I was a great planner and I am,” he assured her.  “So I thought about what you said.”

“You were snoring!” she accused.

“I snored after I came up with a solution.  It means losing our hotel deposit, although maybe I can talk them to giving some of it back.  So here it is:  What’s more normal than for a bride to hold the wedding in her home town?  Which I believe is Scarsdale.  Problem solved.  Right?  There’s not going to be a caravan of Aherns driving to Scarsdale, believe me.  Only the most intrepid.”  He questioningly raised his eyebrows.

Folding her arms over her chest, Riley said, “You want to hold it in Scarsdale?  Have you met my mother?”

“Is she as delightful as you?”

Riley had to laugh.  But then she thought.  What would her mother like more than organizing a wedding.  Neither Riley nor Mike would have to do a damn thing.

She looked at the ring back on her finger.  Yeah, this was going to work.  Looking up at her husband-to-be, Riley smiled.